It’s About That Time Again!
A new year is upon us and for the last few years, I have chosen a “Word for the Year.” For 2019? The word has been decided upon… it is EMERGE.
The word emerge means to come out of something or come to the end of a difficult period or experience. It means to come out or rise up, to bring forth, and bring to light. Emerge is an intransitive verb that might bring to mind the image of a butterfly breaking free from it’s cocoon.
I have spent all of 2018 cocooning. It was one of the most destructive years of my life. I lost so many loved ones in the physical, I left my job of six and a half years, my sense of security was rocked to the core, our finances were gravely challenged and I have questioned every single thing about my life and who I am.
It has been by far, one of the hardest years I’ve ever lived because I literally spent most of my time… with ME. I faced the deepest, darkest areas of my life ~ I questioned every belief, every capability, every want, every need and every person in it.
I was depressed. I cried endlessly. I got angry. I was jealous of others. I was living like a victim. I was coping with all the negativity by shielding myself from the outside world. I stayed home in my jammies. (You know it’s bad when all you wash is bed clothes!) I pouted. I got pissed off. I screamed! I stopped taking care of my health, all together.
I talked down to myself every single moment of the day saying things like “You’re not good enough. You’re not worthy of what others have. You don’t deserve the things you dream of. You can’t possibly make a difference so why do you keep on trying? Maybe you CAN’T have it all, Karen.”
I even entertained the thought of “It really wouldn’t be so bad to leave the earth at this time.” No… I never contemplated committing suicide but, I thought if something happened to me, like an accident or some type of illness, it really wouldn’t have been a bad thing. I was ready to leave. I almost gave up all hope.
However; while in this cocoon, I could feel myself transforming in the midst of all the chaos going on around me. I literally had to shut myself down so I could feel the feelings I didn’t allow myself to feel, for years. It changed me. I looked deep within, I took the appropriate time to work through the pain, finally faced the worst possible outcomes of my own thoughts and you know what? It was worth it. EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF IT.
Thank You to each and every one of you, who stuck with me through this whole process and was by my side when and if, I needed you. It took a very long time and I know it wasn’t easy to witness. I was really hard to love, I wasn’t capable of loving others the way I’m used to and I had a very hard time even trying to love myself.
Growth and change is extremely painful! Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking it’s not. There is so much we bury deep inside ourselves, choose not to acknowledge and keep on ignoring. Those deepest parts of our souls though, are where the answers to all of our questions are found.
In this process I discovered:
* My voice
* My ability to choose my own fate
* My strength and perseverance
* My right to say no
* My self-worth
* My right to have it all
* My ability to love myself
* My will to LIVE.
In 2019, I will allow myself to live life authentically, within every aspect of my personality – good or bad – no matter how “crazy” I may seem! 2019 will be a year of emerging with a whole new perspective, a whole new set of goals and having a WHOLE LOT MORE FUN doing everything I love to do! I have fully surrendered to this process of growth, I’m in full alignment and ready for the last leg of the journey ahead ~ EMERGING ~ Mind, Body & Soul.
I also encourage YOU to reflect over the last year of your life and determine what your word for 2019 will be, as well! Take the time to acknowledge the hurt, to feel the pain and to forgive yourself and forgive others. Thank those experiences with gratitude for the lessons you learned along the way. As hard as this year has been for SO many of us, this mass destruction was necessary to reach our illumination!
Make way for new experiences and new adventures! Set your intentions by writing a list of things that you desire to change about yourself and your life for the new year. Write it down on paper and LITERALLY… place your order with the Universe! Get real. Get detailed. Get GOING! Create the vision for the life you want to live and take the first steps WITH ME into ACTION.
We CAN do this… TOGETHER!
2019? We’re READY. Let’s FLY! 🙌
All My Love,